Today I saw you walk out happily with your bunch of potential OMF mates, I felt so jealous. How I wished I passed, and be the one experiencing OMF with you. I am jealous of everyone that gets to experience amazing things with you - yet I'm here, stuck in SG, being the lousy one, the one that failed everything.

Why is it not me, that get to go with you - am I not good enough? How are those people better than me, what am I lacking? You always tell me that I am amazing, I am capable - yet, the fact is I failed everything. :( How is this being capable? How is this being good?

Every time you compliment me, I feel very happy. I feel appreciated, only you'll appreciate me. I feel so confident to try everything - I did. But yet, I fail everything. :( Why?

I am happy for you, you deserve all of these.

I just wish, I could be the one experiencing all of these with you too.

I just wish, to be as good as you are.

for the sake of my self-esteem,

for the sake of being the girlfriend you are proud of - I mean, maybe you'd be more proud and happy if I was with you... right?

How I wish I passed overseas internship - so that we can work together for 6 months in Phuket.

How I wish my application for YEP wasn't rejected - so that we can be in Philippines for 2 weeks having life-changing experiences.

How I wish I passed OMF, maybe we could be going to either USA or Denmark together for 3 weeks.

...


How I wish I passed my local internship application at TFD, well at least I could still salvage some of my self-worth...



I am very upset. On top of all the tedious projects and social life crisis, this semester took a huge blow to my outlook in poly, as well as my self-esteem. lol.

cheryl you're fucking lousy.